Tear Up the Rule Book - Say Goodbye Your Way.

The UK funeral industry is changing fast. When David Bowie died in 2016, he chose a direct cremation with no funeral at all, and in doing so showed that there's no single right way to say goodbye. Since the pandemic, more and more families have followed his lead.

So here's my advice: make your own rules.

Why do we all do it the same way?

As a nation, we seem programmed to do things a certain way when someone dies. We're not entirely sure why. We just do. And when you're in such a highly emotional state, thinking for yourself is the very last thing you feel like doing. (Please, someone just tell me what to do. Or better still, just do it for me.)

Instead, you're expected to arrange what may well be the biggest gathering you'll ever host, when all you really want is to curl up under the duvet in three-day-old pyjamas with a family-sized bar of Galaxy. Then there's finding and negotiating with suppliers. (Don't even get me started on the ones who don't reply.) Nobody has the patience to deal with that, not even on a good day.

On top of all that, it's easy to feel railroaded into going through the motions on a strict timeline, with a set of both written and unwritten rules:

• The funeral happens around three weeks after the person has died, with the wake straight afterwards.

• The service lasts no longer than 30 minutes.

• No swearing in the eulogy, especially in church.

• Everyone dresses smart.

• There's a buffet somewhere, tucked away in a quiet corner of a venue.

• Be sombre

We're made to feel there are very few choices, and even if we didn't want to go along with them, most of us simply wouldn't have the energy to challenge them.

The legal bits versus the celebration

When it comes to the legalities of a funeral and caring for a body, there are of course strict rules and timelines to follow, which is partly why things are still done much the same way they were more than 100 years ago. But when it comes to celebrating a life? That's a completely different story.

At The Last Hoorah, we passionately challenge the "sad sandwich", the "goodbye buffet" and the "silent pint". We exist to help people celebrate their loved ones, or even themselves, in a way that would put a huge smile on their face. That looks different for everyone (which, by the way, we love). Every person is unique, and they deserve to be celebrated their way, on their terms and in their own time.

So here are six common myths about celebrating a life, and what we'd suggest instead.

Myth 1: There must be a funeral

Not anymore. Around one in five UK funerals is now a direct cremation, where the cremation takes place without a service or mourners, and the number keeps growing. The essential legal formalities still have to be carried out, of course, but many people are choosing to skip the restrictive and often costly traditional ceremony, and focus instead on celebrating their loved one the way they'd want.

And a direct cremation doesn't mean no goodbye. According to SunLife's Cost of Dying Report 2026, 86% of families who chose one still went on to hold a memorial, wake or celebration of life.

Myth 2: The wake has to be straight after the funeral

A funeral is exhausting: a huge build-up followed by an equally huge release. We've seen so many people who, afterwards, want nothing more than to go home and have a quiet moment. That's completely understandable.

If you want to celebrate your loved one but doing it on the same day feels like too much, or you're simply not ready yet, you can hold the celebration at a completely separate time, at your own pace. Some families celebrate the following weekend; others aren't ready for another six months. There's no time limit on celebrating someone's life. You can even do it every year if you want to. There are no rules here.

Myth 3: You have to dress smart

Dress to honour them instead. If they had a favourite colour, wear it. If they lived for their football or rugby team, wear the shirt. If they were known for loud shirts, the same red tie or neon socks (we all know one), now's your moment. And if there's a theme for the day, even better.

If you're even slightly unsure what's appropriate, have a word with the organiser. But we're fairly sure your football-mad friend would much rather see you in their team's colours than looking like you're on your way to the office.

Myth 4: The celebration should be on a weekday

It's completely up to you when you hold a celebration, and there are pros and cons either way. A weekend may cost a little more for a venue or performer, but without people worrying about taking time off work, or feeling worse for wear the next morning, you're likely to get a much bigger turnout, with far fewer people having to drive.

Myth 5: It has to be a dinner or a party

These are both lovely ways to celebrate, but they're far from the only ones. You could:

• Take on a challenge. A run, a walk or an event to raise money for a charity that meant a lot to them.

• Visit a special place. A walk to their favourite spot, a picnic or a trip to the beach.

• Do something they loved. A cooking class, a boat trip, a round of golf or an afternoon at the races.

  
  

Whatever feels right for you and your family is the right way.

Myth 6: It has to be sombre

Of course there will be tears, and that's completely OK. But there can be laughter too: funny stories, their favourite songs, a toast with their favourite drink. Many people tell us they'd hate the thought of everyone being miserable on their behalf.

You're far from alone in wanting something different. Celebrations of life now make up around half of all UK funerals, up from fewer than a third in 2017. A celebration can hold both sadness and joy, and it often feels all the more honest for it.

Make your own rules, starting now

If you'd like a say in how you're celebrated one day, the kindest thing you can do is tell the people you love. Most direct cremations are now carried out on the person's own instructions, and families often say that knowing what their loved one wanted took so much pressure off. Jot down your favourite songs, the dress code you'd love, or where you'd like everyone to raise a glass. It doesn't have to be a morbid conversation. It might even be a fun one.

At The Last Hoorah, we help families across Surrey tear up the rule book and create celebrations of life that truly reflect the person they love. If you'd like to talk through some ideas, get in touch for a gentle, no-pressure chat.